If I’m going to be sleepless, I might as well get a blog post out of it. I’ve been mulling over this for two weeks. Most blogs I read leave me wanting more, thinking that this person is sharing an idealized of version of what they ate or did, without going beyond that. This blog though, Hello I’m Flawed , is one I want to emulate. Both of us see that the blog world is missing a “slice of the real.” It’s ok and beneficial even to be vulnerable, something I learned from these life-changing must-reads.
In the laundromat that we had to ourselves, I’d asked her, “What are your worst fears in life?” “You go first. I need time to think about this,” she said while folding her laundry. I leaned on the table, forearms holding me up and told her, failure. Failure in school, unemployment, messing up. And being alone, being single forever. She’d experienced that already she said. She was miserable those two years when she couldn’t find a job. Her bad relationship, part of it.
Later in the car barreling past the darkened streets, she told me her answer. Her two worst fears. What stuck with me though came after when she asked me, which of your fears is worse? Oh, the second one, I said. What I want more than anything is a family. I care about my career, but even if I make a lot of money,which is not gonna happen cause I chose journalism. Or get a job at the New York Times. None of it would mean as much to me.
Might as well work on what’s in your control, your career was the gist of her answer. The more I’ve thought about it, the more I disagree. Your small everyday choices, what you do with the opportunities you have, accumulate and amount to something. I tried to explain how the micro-level resulted in the macro, where you end up. I’ve experienced it. That’s how I ended up in Bible School and at Northwestern. The thought that I don’t have control or agency to some degree upsets me. What I choose to do everyday and how I live adds up and can amount to what I want and where I want to be. Even going to the gym today and everyday, changes things. Being in better shape and having more self-confidence as a result can only help my love life.
What are your greatest fears? beliefs on determining life outcomes? ~Do share~